In one month and a few days(39 days) *sigh* I will be 30.
I thought I would be much more upset about this than I am. . .but I'm not. ACTUALLY. . .I am kinda excited. That's when all the good stuff happens. I will be free of the "20something's" I will be a real life, actual, honest to god woman. . .yeah, yeah. . .
But, I am feeling a real responsibility about it. Like once I join this group of adults, I will have to be more responsible and regal. I will have to never litter, never get tickets, not make dumb mistakes or forget to pay the power bill. I will have to be bothered by "kids these days", be the responsible mother that doesn't let her kids eat ice cream for breakfast, or dessert first. . .
. . . just so you know. . .I refuse.
If that somehow gets me kicked out of the "30something's" club, oh well. I aim to have a blast. I want to bring back sayings from my childhood, listen to music that is supposed to be obnoxious, go to the clubs and the movies, eat ice cream for breakfast WITH my kids. . .so on and so forth and such.
I was young...y o u n g... when I started this adulthood/parenting thing. I was scared and stupid and I made bad choices, but I stepped up and did it. . .bad choices and all. I didn't run...I didn't hide...I didn't dump it on my parents... I did it. I was different than the statistic, I was stronger than the average, and I think that earns me a pass. . .
During my 30's there will be some scary milestones in my life. . .some definite. . . some I am just sure of. . .but some of those things are as follows...
* I will watch two children get into a car for the first time on the STEERING WHEEL side and drive away. . .and I will think"Please God, protect that child. . .he/she is my only son/daughter...
*I will pack boxes for a girl who has become a woman so that she can go out into the world on her own. . .fighting college, drinking, friends, boyfriends, fear, and job interviews. . .and I will cry. . .like the first day of kindergarten.
* I will hide the boxes so the boy who has become a man (and won't stay my baby) can't make me cry like the girl who became a woman did. . .
*I will pull the boxes out of hiding because I will know it is time to let go. . .and I will cry even harder. . .
*I will live alone. . .at some point. . .for the first time in my life.
*I will get a midnight phone call from an upset teenager. . .who made the worst choice of his/her life. . .whatever that may be. . .and I will drive there feeling angry to pick them up. . .and leave there feeling blessed that they are mine. . .
* I will watch a boy. . .the most horrible boy in the world. . .love my daughter until he breaks her heart into a million pieces . . .I will have to call friends to come over and make sure I don't hunt him down in my car and "accidentally" run him over. . .twice. . . and I will do it all over again with my son and the most horrible girl in the world. . . .
* I will watch a girl. . .love my son until he breaks her heart into a million pieces. . .and I will have the talk with him about people and respect and what it really means to LOVE. . . and I will do it all over again with my daughter and her boy. . .
* I will hear the words "I am not your little girl/boy any more, Mom. . .I need to make this decision on my own" and MY heart will break into a million little pieces. . .and I will say the words"You will ALWAYS be my little girl/boy. . .even if you are 18/19/20. . ."
* I will say "this is my house and as long as you are under my roof, you follow my rules" and I will cringe. . .because one day long ago I swore I would never say it.
*I will buy/rent a dress/tux for the most beautiful/handsome child in the world to go to the most important dance of their lives. . .and I will pray...all night long... that the sex talk took. . .
* I will witness the graduation from high school of two of the most intelligent, amazing human beings on the face of this planet. . .and I will be so proud. . . and I will breath a sigh of relief. . .and I will send them into the world to make changes and lives. . . and I will cry. . .
*I will be amazing. . .I will make changes and decisions in my life that will make them proud. . .that will make ME proud. . .and I will be strong and incredible. . . and I will hear the words"Great job! that is one amazing Woman/Man you have raised there" . . . and I will cry. . .
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