I am in a relationship with a brilliant, funny, stubborn man named Nick. When I started dating him, it was just us. Now I am dating the family. I will marry this man, I am keeping him, and I am in love with his incredible (crazy) ;) family. I intend to tell you why, but I am likely going to break it up a bit. Right now I wanna talk about my Sister-In-Law.
I love Nicks sister. I think she is funny, sassy, strong, and smart. I appreciate that we can tease and laugh together. I appreciate her no bullshit attitude and sass. And I LOVE her kids. They are my nieces and nephews, and I dare you to tell me otherwise. They came to her through adoption, because she struggles with infertility. WOW...have I learned a lot thanks to her openness. I read her blog ( www.jointhelarksnest.blogspot.com ) and I am in awe of this woman. What a brilliant, positive attitude she has, how much she is willing to share, how important it is to her that her children understand where they come from and how they came to be part of her "Forever Family".
This is a tough thing for me because I don't understand it. I am always nervous I will say the wrong thing, I worry I will say something hurtful without knowing it, and damn has she been a trooper. She answers my questions with an understanding of my naivety and my desire to understand her and her situation.
She is an INCREDIBLE MOTHER. She isn't perfect, she doesn't pretend to be, and she is sooooooo good at this mom job. Her children are brilliant and incredible and God could not have done a better job putting this little family together.
I am lucky to have this family in my life, and I am learning everyday what it means to be infertile, how to talk about it and how not to, and I am learning that it takes an incredible woman to go through it with such grace and style.
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, I recommend you read up, learn a bit, know how to help and be sensitive to the people who struggle with it. Her blog is a good place to start ;) Not only will you learn, but more than likely....she will inspire you too.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Thursday, June 24, 2010
My Adventures In: The Employers Market
So I told you I would talk about this later.:)
I have come to the point were I am incredibly frustrated with this concept. I have talked to a few friends about it and I do my best not to be a jerk and make people feel bad... though it is a sensitive subject, I need to talk about it. So if I hurt feelings or step on toes...
...It's me, get used to it ;)
In real estate, there is a "buyers market" and a "sellers market". These markets depend on the economy and other such things. They make it easier or harder for buyers and sellers to get good deals or make good profits. They are simply accepted and these term have been thrown around forever.
In employment, there are two similar circumstances.They are the Employers Market and the Employees Market. They are not recognized or talked about, and although they also relate to the economy...they are controlled more by the people. WE control them, WE effect them, WE allow an employers market to continue. Here are some examples
Employers Market
*Employee-"If I leave this job, it will be impossible to find another"
*Employer-"If they don't like it, there are a dozen others I can replace them with"
Employees Market
*Employee-"If I am not being paid fairly, or treated properly, I can find a job elsewhere"
*Employer-"If I don't treat my employees well, or pay them fairly, I will have no employees and my business will fail"
Employers Market
*Employee-Underpaid, hopeless, helpless, without the ability to take care of day to day expenses
*Employer-Careless, unfeeling, unconcerned with employee well being
Employees Market
*Employee-Secure, established, hopeful, able to manage day to day expenses with the hope and ability to secure pay increases and do even better
*Employer-Fair, kind, appreciative of employees ability, concern about employees well being, greater focus on pay increases and employee appreciation.
Employers Market
*Employee-Less money to spend and put back into the economy, fear of spending funds that are available, lack of medical care, less loyalty to company meaning less customer care.
*Employer-Constant recycling of employees, less stability and fewer long term employees lending to product or service knowledge decreases, and certainly a lack of care for employees seeps over to create a lack of care for customers.
Employees Market
*Employee-More money to put into the economy, less fear of spending, less hoarding of money, more medical care leading to healthier people.
*Employer-Company loyalty leading to better customer care, longer employment lengths meaning more knowledgeable employees, care of employees seeping over into customer support, better quality all around
These are obviously generalizations. They do not extend to all companies or employees but they are the majority. What's my point?
Hold on! I'm getting there.
There are four subjects in my point.
The Spender(Customers who do NOT fear spending because they lack fear of the money they bring in slowing or stopping entirely)
The Hoarder (The Customer who spends only out of necessity due to a fear of income or cash flow slowing or stopping)
The Provider(The Boss/Owner of any company)
The Doer(The Employee/Employees of a Provider, or the Owner without employees)
Everyone is more than one of the above types in different situations.
If Spenders require Providers to treat their Doers well, then they must. In an Employers Market there is a flux of Hoarders and available(or unemployed)Doers, and a decrease in Spenders. The Spenders then have a right and responsibility to select companies that treat people the way that they would like to be treated when they are the Doer. REGARDLESS of the cost difference. Why? Because you DIRECTLY effect the economy by doing so.
You cannot complain about a poor economy and then go spend your money on a Provider that treats it's Doers poorly. If you spend your money on Providers with well paid Doers, not only do you help to create a standard, you give Doers the ability to become Spenders rather than Hoarders. As this cycle continues, we begin to see a flux in Spenders and Providers and a DECREASE in Hoarders and unemployed Doers.
Wow...I hope that makes sense, even I am a little confused ;)
If you are a Doer, and you sit in a job where you are poorly paid, treated badly, and have no hope. You are not a victim, but a part of the problem. (Please don't throw things at me yet!) If you are an employer cutting wages, stopping pay increases, pulling back medical insurance, or treating people like replaceable robots; you may want to reconsider your methods. Your not clever, or a good business person. You are a virus, feeding on the hopelessness and need of others, and when this all comes to an end and you cannot maintain your business because no one wants to work for you, we will feel no compassion. We will look at you as a problem solved.
I have come to the point were I am incredibly frustrated with this concept. I have talked to a few friends about it and I do my best not to be a jerk and make people feel bad... though it is a sensitive subject, I need to talk about it. So if I hurt feelings or step on toes...
...It's me, get used to it ;)
In real estate, there is a "buyers market" and a "sellers market". These markets depend on the economy and other such things. They make it easier or harder for buyers and sellers to get good deals or make good profits. They are simply accepted and these term have been thrown around forever.
In employment, there are two similar circumstances.They are the Employers Market and the Employees Market. They are not recognized or talked about, and although they also relate to the economy...they are controlled more by the people. WE control them, WE effect them, WE allow an employers market to continue. Here are some examples
Employers Market
*Employee-"If I leave this job, it will be impossible to find another"
*Employer-"If they don't like it, there are a dozen others I can replace them with"
Employees Market
*Employee-"If I am not being paid fairly, or treated properly, I can find a job elsewhere"
*Employer-"If I don't treat my employees well, or pay them fairly, I will have no employees and my business will fail"
Employers Market
*Employee-Underpaid, hopeless, helpless, without the ability to take care of day to day expenses
*Employer-Careless, unfeeling, unconcerned with employee well being
Employees Market
*Employee-Secure, established, hopeful, able to manage day to day expenses with the hope and ability to secure pay increases and do even better
*Employer-Fair, kind, appreciative of employees ability, concern about employees well being, greater focus on pay increases and employee appreciation.
Employers Market
*Employee-Less money to spend and put back into the economy, fear of spending funds that are available, lack of medical care, less loyalty to company meaning less customer care.
*Employer-Constant recycling of employees, less stability and fewer long term employees lending to product or service knowledge decreases, and certainly a lack of care for employees seeps over to create a lack of care for customers.
Employees Market
*Employee-More money to put into the economy, less fear of spending, less hoarding of money, more medical care leading to healthier people.
*Employer-Company loyalty leading to better customer care, longer employment lengths meaning more knowledgeable employees, care of employees seeping over into customer support, better quality all around
These are obviously generalizations. They do not extend to all companies or employees but they are the majority. What's my point?
Hold on! I'm getting there.
There are four subjects in my point.
The Spender(Customers who do NOT fear spending because they lack fear of the money they bring in slowing or stopping entirely)
The Hoarder (The Customer who spends only out of necessity due to a fear of income or cash flow slowing or stopping)
The Provider(The Boss/Owner of any company)
The Doer(The Employee/Employees of a Provider, or the Owner without employees)
Everyone is more than one of the above types in different situations.
If Spenders require Providers to treat their Doers well, then they must. In an Employers Market there is a flux of Hoarders and available(or unemployed)Doers, and a decrease in Spenders. The Spenders then have a right and responsibility to select companies that treat people the way that they would like to be treated when they are the Doer. REGARDLESS of the cost difference. Why? Because you DIRECTLY effect the economy by doing so.
You cannot complain about a poor economy and then go spend your money on a Provider that treats it's Doers poorly. If you spend your money on Providers with well paid Doers, not only do you help to create a standard, you give Doers the ability to become Spenders rather than Hoarders. As this cycle continues, we begin to see a flux in Spenders and Providers and a DECREASE in Hoarders and unemployed Doers.
Wow...I hope that makes sense, even I am a little confused ;)
If you are a Doer, and you sit in a job where you are poorly paid, treated badly, and have no hope. You are not a victim, but a part of the problem. (Please don't throw things at me yet!) If you are an employer cutting wages, stopping pay increases, pulling back medical insurance, or treating people like replaceable robots; you may want to reconsider your methods. Your not clever, or a good business person. You are a virus, feeding on the hopelessness and need of others, and when this all comes to an end and you cannot maintain your business because no one wants to work for you, we will feel no compassion. We will look at you as a problem solved.
Low price does not equal value. A company that pays and treats it's Doers poorly can out price a company that pays it's Doers well, provides Medical insurance, and spends in other ways for employee appreciation. So if all I can do is appeal to your pocket book, fine. What kind of quality, service and customer support do you think you'll get from the miserable employees?
Of course no one person can do this on their own, but together we are very powerful. We have to move as one, we have to act as a group. We have to, as Doers, Stand up for ourselves together and as Spenders, patronize Providers that support the common goal.
Essentially if we intend to change the current state of things and move towards the more favorable Employees Market, we will have to work together. It doesn't always seem easy, but then, neither is spending everyday in a job where you are unappreciated and underpaid.
Here is a little place you can put in your opinions and find others who agree.
Add yourself to the list and then go to discussions and add the local businesses that you support to the list. We'll check them out and others can comment if they agree or not.
If you know a company not to be a good company to use, let us know in a private message. We'll check it out and then list them.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
My Adventures In: Fighting the working world.
So here's the thing. I don't expect everyone to do what I do. I don't expect everyone to want to work for themselves, or desire the stress of managing your own company. I don't expect people to be motivated by the same things I am. Not everyone should be an entrepreneur.(Sometimes I think maybe even I shouldn't be! haha)
So, what's good for me may not be good for you=what's good for you may not be good for me.
I know how much work it takes. I know how hard and stressful it can be. I know all the business failure and success figures. I know that the way you see things makes perfect sense to you, and in your world it is "logic". It's not. I'm sorry, but an opinion is always an opinion no matter how many dresses and statistics you cover it in.
If you suck at self employment, you will likely fail. If you suck at work force employment, you will ALSO likely fail. The hourly employment arena is not the fix all. There are no guarantees there, as much as there are none here in "Self Employment World." Job security is a bull, having someone else pay you does not fix anything, and the cost of being employed needs to count against the amount you make before you match your income to the self employed income.
Additionally, just like there is a "Buyers Market" and a "Sellers Market" in real estate, there is an "Employers Market" and a "Employees Market" in employment. But we'll talk about that later.
It is not that I believe self employment to be the fix all either. However, those who are self employed deserve more than being treated like fools. We deserve support and strength of those around us. I chose to control my own income. When you beat on my belief that I am capable of that, you effect my confidence. You help to push me towards failure. If you are my friend or family member, you (although you think you are helping me "see the error" of my decisions) hamper me and my ability to be successful.
So, this is what I do. I may venture into the world of work force employment every once in a while, for a myriad of reasons. I may decide to do what I do AND work in the workforce. However, what I do, my desire to work for myself, is part of who I am. Please don't try to change me...many before you have tried...and I will never give up on me again...
So, what's good for me may not be good for you=what's good for you may not be good for me.
I know how much work it takes. I know how hard and stressful it can be. I know all the business failure and success figures. I know that the way you see things makes perfect sense to you, and in your world it is "logic". It's not. I'm sorry, but an opinion is always an opinion no matter how many dresses and statistics you cover it in.
If you suck at self employment, you will likely fail. If you suck at work force employment, you will ALSO likely fail. The hourly employment arena is not the fix all. There are no guarantees there, as much as there are none here in "Self Employment World." Job security is a bull, having someone else pay you does not fix anything, and the cost of being employed needs to count against the amount you make before you match your income to the self employed income.
Additionally, just like there is a "Buyers Market" and a "Sellers Market" in real estate, there is an "Employers Market" and a "Employees Market" in employment. But we'll talk about that later.
It is not that I believe self employment to be the fix all either. However, those who are self employed deserve more than being treated like fools. We deserve support and strength of those around us. I chose to control my own income. When you beat on my belief that I am capable of that, you effect my confidence. You help to push me towards failure. If you are my friend or family member, you (although you think you are helping me "see the error" of my decisions) hamper me and my ability to be successful.
So, this is what I do. I may venture into the world of work force employment every once in a while, for a myriad of reasons. I may decide to do what I do AND work in the workforce. However, what I do, my desire to work for myself, is part of who I am. Please don't try to change me...many before you have tried...and I will never give up on me again...
My Adventures In: Figuring out what I am up to.
I don't really know where to start here(other than the very vague or pointed posts already here), primarily because this is a public forum and I want to be honest. I ALSO want to speak in code. There are Ex's and employers and old friends who may get upset and new friends who may get offended, and people thinking they are other people, and kids not wanting the whole world to know their struggles and ...........STOP.
So I will say what I have to say. I intend to share this stuff here. I don't care about money or fame, but I do want to share an experience or two that might help someone else. Eventually, I would like to write a book or three or 20. Who knows...
I also have some pretty opinionated things to say. I don't want to fight or argue, but a good, healthy and heated discussion?... Bring it on!
So here are the NEW details and rules of this blog.
1.If you want to be rude, go somewhere else. We won't react, we'll just delete your comments and move on.
2.This is me. If you don't like what I say, read someone else's blog. Someone you do like. I don't care, it won't hurt my feelings. :)
3.Everyone gets to have an opinion. Period. Unless rule 1 applies, leave them be. I want the feedback, and the "good, healthy and heated discussions", remember?
4.If you know me, us, who I am talking about, who I am referring to etc.,please don't share. My children are CBear and McGrutter. Please use those names so they don't feel invaded on.
5.If something upsets you, ASK about it. It probably isn't you I am talking about. If it is, I will tell you. The point of this blog isn't who did what, but HOW it effected ME and what I am going to do/have done/didn't do/handled incorrectly.
So, as I go forward, take what you will from this. If it bites me in the butt, well then I suppose that is just another challenge I'll get to deal with. I'm no longer ok with hiding in a corner, hoping not to hurt feelings, or cause upset, or lose an opportunity because an employer doesn't agree with my thoughts.
Here's to it! *jump*
So I will say what I have to say. I intend to share this stuff here. I don't care about money or fame, but I do want to share an experience or two that might help someone else. Eventually, I would like to write a book or three or 20. Who knows...
I also have some pretty opinionated things to say. I don't want to fight or argue, but a good, healthy and heated discussion?... Bring it on!
So here are the NEW details and rules of this blog.
1.If you want to be rude, go somewhere else. We won't react, we'll just delete your comments and move on.
2.This is me. If you don't like what I say, read someone else's blog. Someone you do like. I don't care, it won't hurt my feelings. :)
3.Everyone gets to have an opinion. Period. Unless rule 1 applies, leave them be. I want the feedback, and the "good, healthy and heated discussions", remember?
4.If you know me, us, who I am talking about, who I am referring to etc.,please don't share. My children are CBear and McGrutter. Please use those names so they don't feel invaded on.
5.If something upsets you, ASK about it. It probably isn't you I am talking about. If it is, I will tell you. The point of this blog isn't who did what, but HOW it effected ME and what I am going to do/have done/didn't do/handled incorrectly.
So, as I go forward, take what you will from this. If it bites me in the butt, well then I suppose that is just another challenge I'll get to deal with. I'm no longer ok with hiding in a corner, hoping not to hurt feelings, or cause upset, or lose an opportunity because an employer doesn't agree with my thoughts.
Here's to it! *jump*
Thursday, April 15, 2010
My Adventure In: Learning A Few Things from Baby L
I have a beautiful new niece. My best friends had a beautiful baby girl and I am head over heels in love. . .she is perfect. The tail end of her journey was rough, and she scared us a bit...
I have learned so much from her...already...in her 6 short days. What an angel! Who'd have thought? I am blessed to have the amount of time and experiences with her that I have. So here is what I have learned:
No matter how scary something seems find your way through it because there will be rewards at the end. Beautiful, wonderful rewards.
If after a rough experience you feel the need to scream, do it. Get it out of the way and then look around and see what there is to see.
Never make your mother cry. If for some reason you have to, and there is no way around it, love her until she is done.
If you find your self stuck in a rough situation and all wrapped up in trouble, go to your parents. They will know how to help you get "untangled".
Be sweet, it endears people to you. When you need them, they will be there.
No matter who is around, burp. It's good for you.
Eat lots, especially when it's good fore you.
Eating should be an event, an enjoyable event!
Don't yell unless absolutely necessary, and if it is absolutely necessary, do it and be done.
Sleep. . .sleep lots. . .recharge fully...
And finally...
...The more your situation differs from those around you, the more likely it will be an adventure. When you run head on into the challenge, there are always people who love you there to support you.
Welcome to the world Piglet, I hope it is always as interesting and beautiful to you as it will be in the next 2 years. You are loved. . .so very very much...when things get tough, come to Aunt Amy's house and I will tell you a few stories...one in particular involving these two people...who made some rough choices...behaved like grown ups...worked together...and waited with such anticipation for a beautiful baby girl to come into their lives. I will tell you about the looks on their faces the moment she made her entrance...and I will remind you that you are the most loved baby in a very long time...
I have learned so much from her...already...in her 6 short days. What an angel! Who'd have thought? I am blessed to have the amount of time and experiences with her that I have. So here is what I have learned:
No matter how scary something seems find your way through it because there will be rewards at the end. Beautiful, wonderful rewards.
If after a rough experience you feel the need to scream, do it. Get it out of the way and then look around and see what there is to see.
Never make your mother cry. If for some reason you have to, and there is no way around it, love her until she is done.
If you find your self stuck in a rough situation and all wrapped up in trouble, go to your parents. They will know how to help you get "untangled".
Be sweet, it endears people to you. When you need them, they will be there.
No matter who is around, burp. It's good for you.
Eat lots, especially when it's good fore you.
Eating should be an event, an enjoyable event!
Don't yell unless absolutely necessary, and if it is absolutely necessary, do it and be done.
Sleep. . .sleep lots. . .recharge fully...
And finally...
...The more your situation differs from those around you, the more likely it will be an adventure. When you run head on into the challenge, there are always people who love you there to support you.
Welcome to the world Piglet, I hope it is always as interesting and beautiful to you as it will be in the next 2 years. You are loved. . .so very very much...when things get tough, come to Aunt Amy's house and I will tell you a few stories...one in particular involving these two people...who made some rough choices...behaved like grown ups...worked together...and waited with such anticipation for a beautiful baby girl to come into their lives. I will tell you about the looks on their faces the moment she made her entrance...and I will remind you that you are the most loved baby in a very long time...
Sunday, March 14, 2010
My Adventures In: Knowing Ray Hubbard
I don't believe in glorifying the dead. I don't want anyone to say, when I pass, that I was calm or quiet...or that I kept a clean house and I was organized. If you want a to hear a glorified version of Ray Hubbard, read something else. Here, I will be honest...
...The best part of that is it isn't hard to be honest. Ray was feisty, he said what he meant. If I was an ass hole about something, he told me so...and I loved him for it. He was also brilliant with words. . .he could spin tales of love and beauty...poems to melt a heart...sad, melancholy words of love lost...
He was funny...hilarious actually. He talked to much sometimes...he made me laugh...and told me when it was time to shut up. He told me I was beautiful, incredible, spiritual and smart. I believed him. Because he was worth believing. He made mistakes, because he was human. He was ok with being human. He pissed me off, occasionally...and I always forgave him. He loved me too much not to be worthy of forgiveness. He sat at that table...because I asked him to, and because it was important to his son. He took my daughter and I out to "family celebration dinner" because I was part of the family. He TOLD ME all the time. He was an ass, and a hero, and a human, and a beautiful, amazing person. He appreciated my crazy and I adored his. He gave me the greatest gifts...he raised beautiful children...who are an incredible and beautiful part of my life.
I am lucky to have known him. Happy to have loved him. And BLESSED to have been loved BY him.
He passed away, last night... He went on to the next thing. And I am going to miss him. Because he never bullshited me, never asked what I was doing on his family hay ride, or family dinner...he let me sneak food before dinner was done, he called me smart ass, and he loved me...
...and I am a very, very lucky girl.
...The best part of that is it isn't hard to be honest. Ray was feisty, he said what he meant. If I was an ass hole about something, he told me so...and I loved him for it. He was also brilliant with words. . .he could spin tales of love and beauty...poems to melt a heart...sad, melancholy words of love lost...
He was funny...hilarious actually. He talked to much sometimes...he made me laugh...and told me when it was time to shut up. He told me I was beautiful, incredible, spiritual and smart. I believed him. Because he was worth believing. He made mistakes, because he was human. He was ok with being human. He pissed me off, occasionally...and I always forgave him. He loved me too much not to be worthy of forgiveness. He sat at that table...because I asked him to, and because it was important to his son. He took my daughter and I out to "family celebration dinner" because I was part of the family. He TOLD ME all the time. He was an ass, and a hero, and a human, and a beautiful, amazing person. He appreciated my crazy and I adored his. He gave me the greatest gifts...he raised beautiful children...who are an incredible and beautiful part of my life.
I am lucky to have known him. Happy to have loved him. And BLESSED to have been loved BY him.
He passed away, last night... He went on to the next thing. And I am going to miss him. Because he never bullshited me, never asked what I was doing on his family hay ride, or family dinner...he let me sneak food before dinner was done, he called me smart ass, and he loved me...
...and I am a very, very lucky girl.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
My Adventures In: Setting Some Rules...
I have been working with Keith Hubbard and The Phoenix Paradigm for some time now. I have been learning things about myself, trying new things, giving myself some credit, and taking on some demons. It feels good, and he is good at what he does. If you haven't checked out him and his company yet, I HIGHLY recommend it.
I have also encouraged a good number of people who have seen a change in me to work with him. And as they have, we have built some awesome relationships and established new rules. We talk more openly and with a great deal of bluntness and honesty, without hurt feelings and arguments. . .it is AWESOME...
There is a bit more to it than that too. I am learning to set boundaries. With EVERYONE. I have not been very good at this in the past and it has resulted in being walked on...or being so blunt that I am rude...or blowing up when it becomes to much...I even stand at my sink doing dishes and have imaginary arguments with people I am frustrated with...
So here they are...
...These are my rules...my boundaries. Laugh if you like...talk about them with others...say how silly they sound...steal them for yourself...tell me how great they are...I really don't care. Just know that I mean them. With all my heart.
The Rules of Amy
1. I am important. If I am not important to you, then we have no relationship and should cease communicating.
2. I am strange. I will not be mocked for my strangeness although we can most certainly talk (and laugh) about it together.
3. I am creative. You don't have to like what I create, you don't have to see the beauty in it that I do, you can critique it, but you do not get to mock it or make me feel silly or bad about it or creating it.
4. I deserve support. This is a two part rule. A. Plan on helping me out every once in awhile when I need help or support. If you can't do that, it's ok... but don't ask for mine. B. I deserve for you to follow through. Again if you can't follow through, don't offer help...and then refer to A.
5. I am beautiful. If you are going to be in my life, you get to put up with my weight, my hair cut, my hair color, my choice of clothing and make-up. You can recommend things, you can suggest kindly that one way looks better than another. You DO NOT get to make fun, make rude comments, make jokes, or tell me I should change.
6. I am changing. My changes are for me and my children. They are not for you. If you do not like the changes I am making...I recommend you check yourself, and then get over it...or walk away.
7. I am committing to honesty. If my honest comments bother you, I apologize. I will not stop making them, but I will do my best to speak from a kind and compassionate place. Although I may slip up and I deserve your compassion when I do.
8. I am the mother of my children. Although this may frustrate the hell out of you, it is still the fact of the matter. You may not like what I choose to do. You may not want to follow along with what I say cannot be done, or will be done...but in all honesty, unless it is unsafe or illegal, you don't have a choice. Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions but in the end, I will choose what I think is best, and you can support that or cease to have a part in their lives.
9. I will screw up. I am human...beautifully, magically, wondrously human. I hold firm to the lesson that there are "no mistakes, only lessons" and I will never stop learning. I will learn until I am no longer breathing. I deserve to be loved, because of that humanity.
10. I love wholly. I will love you no matter what you choose to do. If at some point I have hurt you or you have hurt me. . .or we have simply parted ways...Always know that you can come back...any time...and I will still have a warm spot in my heart for you... and A safe place in my home for you. No matter what.
I have also encouraged a good number of people who have seen a change in me to work with him. And as they have, we have built some awesome relationships and established new rules. We talk more openly and with a great deal of bluntness and honesty, without hurt feelings and arguments. . .it is AWESOME...
There is a bit more to it than that too. I am learning to set boundaries. With EVERYONE. I have not been very good at this in the past and it has resulted in being walked on...or being so blunt that I am rude...or blowing up when it becomes to much...I even stand at my sink doing dishes and have imaginary arguments with people I am frustrated with...
So here they are...
...These are my rules...my boundaries. Laugh if you like...talk about them with others...say how silly they sound...steal them for yourself...tell me how great they are...I really don't care. Just know that I mean them. With all my heart.
The Rules of Amy
1. I am important. If I am not important to you, then we have no relationship and should cease communicating.
2. I am strange. I will not be mocked for my strangeness although we can most certainly talk (and laugh) about it together.
3. I am creative. You don't have to like what I create, you don't have to see the beauty in it that I do, you can critique it, but you do not get to mock it or make me feel silly or bad about it or creating it.
4. I deserve support. This is a two part rule. A. Plan on helping me out every once in awhile when I need help or support. If you can't do that, it's ok... but don't ask for mine. B. I deserve for you to follow through. Again if you can't follow through, don't offer help...and then refer to A.
5. I am beautiful. If you are going to be in my life, you get to put up with my weight, my hair cut, my hair color, my choice of clothing and make-up. You can recommend things, you can suggest kindly that one way looks better than another. You DO NOT get to make fun, make rude comments, make jokes, or tell me I should change.
6. I am changing. My changes are for me and my children. They are not for you. If you do not like the changes I am making...I recommend you check yourself, and then get over it...or walk away.
7. I am committing to honesty. If my honest comments bother you, I apologize. I will not stop making them, but I will do my best to speak from a kind and compassionate place. Although I may slip up and I deserve your compassion when I do.
8. I am the mother of my children. Although this may frustrate the hell out of you, it is still the fact of the matter. You may not like what I choose to do. You may not want to follow along with what I say cannot be done, or will be done...but in all honesty, unless it is unsafe or illegal, you don't have a choice. Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions but in the end, I will choose what I think is best, and you can support that or cease to have a part in their lives.
9. I will screw up. I am human...beautifully, magically, wondrously human. I hold firm to the lesson that there are "no mistakes, only lessons" and I will never stop learning. I will learn until I am no longer breathing. I deserve to be loved, because of that humanity.
10. I love wholly. I will love you no matter what you choose to do. If at some point I have hurt you or you have hurt me. . .or we have simply parted ways...Always know that you can come back...any time...and I will still have a warm spot in my heart for you... and A safe place in my home for you. No matter what.
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